Media’s are neither good nor bad – but technology changes the way in which we communicate and behave and there are social risk factors involved. With social media comes the new phenomenon of cyber bullying. What makes cyber bullying so dangerous…is that anyone can practice it without having to confront the victim. You don’t have to be strong or fast, simply equipped with a cell phone or computer and a willingness to terrorize.
Parents should not be daunted by this new situation. They can still draw on their life experiences to set limits. Access to the Internet and cell phones makes young people and children more independent from the adult world, and this independence entails risks as well as opportunities.
What Parents Can Do?
- “Why don’t students report cyberbullying to parents?
Students I speak with tell me that they are reluctant to to tell their parents that they have been cyber bullied because they are afraid that they will get restricted from being online. Being online and connected is a child’s life line to the world and any threat to this can be worse than any consequence you can think of. According to young people, parents tend to over react at times and want to jump in, fix and rescue. It is my experience that KNEE JERK RESPONSES – will increase likelihood that the child will avoid sharing information in the future.
It’s tempting for parents to view these technologies in BLACK OR WHITE terms, as good or evil, and to REACT. Children rarely benefit or learn when parents are reactive and respond with immediately by restricting or punishing them. They benefit when parents are proactive and educate. While a child who abuses others over the Internet may need consequences – the victims who did nothing wrong should not be punished by losing privileges. Otherwise, the child may not tell a parent about the next incident.
Communication with son or daughter is key. It is likely that children will avoid telling their parents about a cyberbullying incident unless families have discussed cyberbullying ahead of time. The Fight Crime: Invest in Kids survey found that, although 51% of preteens who had been cyberbullied told their parents, only 35% of cyberbullied teens had done so (2006). Parents need to listen closely to what children say about their online experiences and familiarize themselves with the sites and modalities children use for online interaction.
DISCLOSURE
Parents may benefit from beginning every response to disclosures, no matter how upsetting, with “THANK-YOU FOR TELLING ME THAT”. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING MY LETTING ME KNOW.” Parents who remain calm during disclosures will ensure that lines of communication remain open with their child, and they will be in a position to provide guidance in the future when their child faces other challenges. Children tend to share more when they have learned that their parents can be trusted to respond in a stable and reassuring manner.
What are the warning signs of cyberbullying?
Warning signs include:
- Child appears upset after being online.
- Child appears upset after viewing a text message.
- Child withdraws from social interaction with peers.
- Possible drop in academic performance.
- Child has been targeted by bullying on school property
Some parents choose to read all of their children’s e-mail and instant messages, but this can be construed as a huge invasion of privacy. It is more helpful for parents to spend time talking with children about appropriate ways to interact online and about their family guidelines for computer use. It is important for parents and children to reach consensus about the circumstances under which the children should notify the parents if they receive negative messages or view harmful material online. Also it makes sense that if the child posts info on social networking sites – facebook, myspace, for the general public to see, the parents will view it occasionally. It is helpful if parents let their child know ahead of time that they will occasionally monitor their social networking site – not everyday. However, if the parents are alerted to cyberbullying, they will need to monitor their children’s communication more closely.
