Relationship & Communication
Most relationship struggles aren’t really about the dishes, the tone of voice, or who said what. They’re about older patterns — ways of connecting, defending, and withdrawing that were formed long before this relationship began.
When the same fight keeps happening — when one person shuts down and the other escalates, when closeness feels risky and distance feels safer — something deeper is usually going on. Not a communication problem. An emotional pattern. And patterns can change.
Beneath the surface of most relationship conflict are three questions that drive more arguments than couples realize:
Do I matter deeply to my partner?
Will they be there for me when I need them most?
Do I feel safe enough in this relationship to be my full and authentic self?
These questions are at the root of what couples fight about — the emotional bond and security between them. When we fear the answer might be “no,” it can cause us to feel isolated and alone, and sometimes as though we’re fighting for survival itself. And fight we will. Or withdraw.
Every relationship develops its own cycle — a predictable sequence of triggers, reactions, and disconnection that both people get pulled into, often without realizing it. One person reaches. The other withdraws. The reaching gets louder. The withdrawal deepens. Both people feel alone — even when they’re in the same room.
I draw on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) — one of the most thoroughly researched approaches to couples and relationship work available — and Relational Life Therapy (RLT), a clinically informed approach developed by Terrence Real that brings honesty and directness to relational patterns.
EFT, developed by Sue Johnson, focuses on moving toward emotions rather than away from them — understanding the cycles beneath conflict, rebuilding trust, and reconnecting at a deeper level. Research shows that 75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% show significant improvement — with effects that last over time.
RLT brings a different kind of directness — naming the relational dynamics that keep couples stuck and helping each person take responsibility for their part.
Not all relationship work happens with both people in the room. I also work with individuals navigating relationship difficulties — whether that’s a struggling partnership, patterns that keep repeating across relationships, or simply wanting to show up differently in the connections that matter most.
Start with a conversation