Couples Counselling
Most couples don’t arrive in therapy because they’ve stopped loving each other. They arrive because they’re stuck in patterns they no longer know how to interrupt. The same argument on repeat. The emotional distance that’s grown quietly over years. The feeling of being alone — even in the same room.
That’s exactly where this work begins.
Beneath most couples conflict are three questions that neither partner may be asking out loud:
Do I matter deeply to my partner?
Will they be there for me when I need them most?
Do I feel safe enough in this relationship to be my full and authentic self?
These questions are at the root of what couples fight about — the emotional bond and security between them. When we fear the answer might be “no,” it can cause us to feel isolated and alone, and sometimes as though we’re fighting for survival itself. And fight we will. Or withdraw.
Most couples think they need to learn how to argue better — to communicate more clearly, compromise more fairly. What Sue Johnson’s research shows is something different: the heart of the matter isn’t the argument. It’s the attachment bond underneath it.
When we lose connection from the people we love most, our brains register danger. Isolation and abandonment trigger what Johnson calls “primal panic” — a fear response wired into us by millions of years of evolution. This is why couples fights can feel so disproportionately intense. It’s not about the dishes. It’s about survival.
The goal isn’t independence from each other. It’s what Johnson calls “effective dependency” — the ability to turn to each other as a safe haven when life is too much, and a secure base from which to go confidently out into the world.
“Lovers are regulators of each other’s physiology and emotional functioning. Each partner holds the key to unlock the other’s pain and loneliness. Emotional presence is the solution.”
— Dr. Sue Johnson, Developer of EFT
Recurring arguments that never fully resolve. Emotional distance that’s grown over years. The feeling of talking past each other even when you’re both trying. Or a specific rupture — a betrayal, a crisis, a turning point — that’s left you both unsure of what’s next.
These cycles have an underlying structure. Once partners begin to understand it — not just intellectually, but emotionally — something shifts. They can interrupt it.
I draw primarily on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Sue Johnson — one of the most thoroughly researched approaches to couples work available. Research shows that 75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% show significant improvement, with effects that last over time.
EFT helps partners understand the deeper emotional needs and attachment patterns driving their conflict — moving toward emotion rather than away from it. The goal is to interrupt the negative cycle, rebuild trust, and help couples reach for each other in new and more vulnerable ways.
Sessions are 50–75 minutes, typically weekly or bi-weekly. I see couples in Midtown Toronto and virtually across Ontario. Both partners attend together unless we’ve agreed otherwise.
Start with a conversation